Sometimes I think about writing actual entries in this but it always feels so foreign and difficult, no matter how much content I mean to write about. I think I will gradually begin to try again.
I took this photo a long time ago. It reminds me of how good it feels to have time and good weather. Time to be alone. Time to go outside. Time to explore. Time to analyze things. Sometimes too much time.
I am craving that time. Recently I am always complaining about being way too busy and tired during the week. And people complain to me because I barely ever commit time to them. I thank God that soon this eight to eight school then work thing will be gone as soon as june. June's a month like a crush whose name consistently makes my heart skip a beat. I'll probably think about getting a new job and I'm definitely drastically decreasing the amount of time I spend at school next year. Ideally a four day week where three out of four days I get out before 12.
As for work, any place where I'm actually able to accept tips seems two steps better than my job. The only thing I will miss about my job is being able to control my schedule so easily... and the really cheap bus passes, maybe. But I won't have to worry about my schedule as much once I have more time anyway! I only really have to prioritize my bands shows into the schedules, so hopefully at least weekends off.
Working at a retirement home has these sweet glimpses but I've also been exposed to the cruel kind of elderly you don't want to picture sweet grandmothers being. Subtle racism, blatant racism, classism, and just the way certain people treat you like a dog all the while literally sticking their noses in the air. ((instead of the kitschy place you imagine an old folk's home to be, they at least try to make the restaurant seem ritsy and five stars... with too many rules and different eating utensils and uniforms with ties, overpriced food, etc)) Although, that's just focusing on a couple bad apples and I can really sympathize for the position they're in. I would not like to be stuck in a retirement home.. no matter how easy it is. I can understand how you might become bitter.... and I have to repeat: there are some really great old people, like you might guess.
Hopefully my next job will be one where I can at least occasionally relate to customers on a more personal level. Actual relating.. not just entertaining then telling them about what grade I'm in at school. hah.